Bleck Mether
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Posted - 2011.07.08 14:18:00 -
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A few jokes for you...
Breaking News: The UN has said that if they capture Gaddafi they will put him where he can do no harm to anyone - up front for Aston Villa.
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.
Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They would chip their teeth.
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a w**k. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick? A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend - Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.
My new wig arrived the other day. It's made of ass**le hair. The bloody thing keeps blowing off.
I was feeling down earlier so I dipped my Muslim friend in bleach. I thought I'd try to lighten Mahmood.
A wise man once said "You should treat your women the way you treat your hoover.. When it stops sucking, change the old bag."
Question - are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.
What do Tottenham Hotspur and Heather Mills have in common? The second leg is just for show
Just ú3 will buy water and food for a family in Africa. But don't let your heart rule your head. Morrisons are doing 4 Stella for ú2-99.
100 people from Liverpool were asked today if they thought Britain should change its currency. 98% said no, they were happy with the Giro.
Black bloke comes home to find his son sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. "I just f***ed the girl next door" he says proudly. "Well done son. I hope you were wearing something." "Yup" he replied. "A balaclava."
I've just watched the Simpsons and realised it's a load of bo***cks. Who would put a load of funny yellow people in charge of running a nuclear power station?
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the programme's called Fact Hunt.
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries!
1 sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. That means that a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1403808.59375GB in about 3 seconds. And you thought Virgin media was fast.
Paddy bursts into the Benefits office. I've been ringing 08001730 for 2 bloody days. Why don't you answer the bloody phone. Girl replies, those are our opening times you daft ****.
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